Good Night Love-Bug I Love You

"Good night love-bug, I love you" is the saying I used to say to Homer every night when I got him ready for bed. On nights where I forgot to say it, I would come back downstairs and say it to him, I couldn’t sleep if I didn’t say it and I would like to think that Homer couldn’t sleep if I didn’t say it too.

Today we put my dear, sweet Homer to sleep. We knew this day was coming for about a year now, since he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure but it hasn’t made it any easier. I made the decision a week ago when I took him to the vet to have his renal levels checked, in December they were pretty bad so I figured this time around they wouldn’t be better and letting go of him would be the route we would have to go. His vet and I spoke a long time, he knows how much I have loved Homer and knew how much I wanted Homer to live a long happy life but he also stressed that Homer deserved to go with peace and dignity and that was the final gift I could give him. I felt as if we were keeping him alive rather than him living and that just wasn’t fair to him anymore. We ran the blood work so I had medical evidence to help make my decision seem more right and it came back much worse and so on Tuesday I decided to let him go. With Riley’s surgery last week and my vet out at a conference we decided to wait until today to let him go, he was fairly stable and so the vet felt it would be fine to have a few last days with him (if he were in pain I would have done it right away but since he just doesn’t feel well we decided to wait a week). It has broken my heart but as my brother told me while I was wrestling with this decision, putting your pet to sleep is the most selfless thing you can do because you take their pain and make it your own. It is so true, the past week has been so hard on me but truth be told Homer hasn’t been Homer for some time and I owe it to him to let him go painless and in a calm environment. I’ve been crying over this on and off for the past week but I took comfort in knowing that we got one last week with him and he went before he was in pain. In a way I think he’s lasted this long for me. It’s been a rough few months for me with adjusting to being a new mom and dealing with Riley’s clubfeet and part of me thinks Homer has hung on so long to make sure I am ok, so my ultimate gift to him is letting him go before he’s in pain. So today I said good-bye to my best buddy of 7 years. Unfortunately it didn’t got as smooth as I would have hoped, he started the day in high spirits and was very perky so we gave him a sedative to relax him a bit and then they brought Homer some baby food. While he was eating his baby food he had a seizure and practically died there. I sent Marc out of the room with Riley and then Marc made me come out since I didn’t want to see him lifeless. Marc went back in and the vet told him he had passed and to come get me to say good-bye since I hadn’t yet said good-bye to Homer. As Marc was coming to get me, Homer started breathing again so when I came in to say good-bye he was clinging to life, I said a quick good-bye so he wouldn’t suffer and then we left. My dad stayed with Homer while he got the injection and Homer went very peacefully with no pain. Marc thinks Homer last gift to me was clinging to life so that we could say good-bye to one another.

My vet told me to look at old pictures while grieving him and remember the Homer he once was and so I searched my memory banks and found my favorite Homer memories. So in this tribute to my beloved friend, I decide to remember all of the things that made me love Homer and not the loss of my sick pet.

So here are my top 15 favorite Homer memories:

1. The way he used to curl up in the crook of my arm and wait until I fell asleep and then move to the foot of the bed where he could stretch out
2. He had the perfect mix feistiness and sweetness
3. “The Homer Test” - The way he peed in unsuitable boyfriend’s shoes but loved Marc from day one
4. His big brown eyes
5. The way he looked at you with pure love
6. The fact that he got stuck between the bed and wall, not once but twice and looked embarrassed about it after the second time
7. The way he feels guilty when he knows he did something bad or the way he warned you when he was about to do something naughty
8. When he used to bark and get excited at when you said the words “walk” or “drive” but how he would get freaked out when he got in the car
9. How he always needed his momma
10. Our long walks in Walnut Creek, and the fact that he knew the phrase long walk.
11. The fact that he was my perfect driving buddy to San Diego, especially when we got near the manure farm and would follow the scent as long as he could
12. His love, rather borderline obsession, with chicken
13. How when I would bring bags home from Target or the grocery store and there was a treat for him or chicken in there he would know which bag it was in and find it, particularly Chew-lottas and Dingos
14. That when I was sick he stayed by my side and woke me up when my cell phone was ringing
15. That when I had morning sickness with Riley he would lay next to me on the couch and ever so gently rested his head on my stomach and how he finally came around and accepted Riley
16. Ok, a 16th, that can only be described by this picture (yes he is alive in this picture) - this is the Homer that we all love:

Good Night Love-Bug, I love you. Sleep peacefully, my dear, sweet boy. I love you, I will miss you, but you will always be in my heart.

A family photo we took this weekend:

The family with Homer kissing is sister:

Big Sigh of Relief

Marc and I can sigh a big sigh of relief because one big, stressful event is down. Riley had her tenotomy yesterday and did great. We still have to get through putting Homer to sleep on Monday but I will write more about that later, I want to focus on the happy stuff right now because my little girl is such a brave little thing! Riley did great yesterday!

Our morning started at 3AM because Riley couldn't have any food after 3:30AM so we gave her a bottle of breastmilk, which she finished with 3 minutes to spare and then we just stayed up because we had to start getting ready at 4:15ish to be at Children's Hospital by 6AM. The whole process at Children's was a bit frustrating (our Dr even agreed with that). They started us out at the Outpatient Center and we figured because it was an outpatient procedure we would stay there, after we filled out the paper work they brought us over to the main hospital and we went into the pre-op room, where we had to undress her and of course woke her up so of course she was screaming because she hadn't eaten since 3AM and it was now close to her 7:30 time slot. They put her pacifier in some sweeties which seemed to do the trick. Then to the recovery room where we started and ended our experience since she was the first patient assigned to the orthopedics OR. There was a rocking chair in there and since Riley was definitely the youngest patient there that day we got the rocking chair, she fell asleep in my arms with in moments. We kind of felt like moving cattle but we did meet another family whose daughter was seeing Dr H for her clubfoot, she also had some other bone issues that were causing a relapse so she was there for surgery after Riley's. Her parents couldn't say enough good things about him so that made us feel good. Another little boy was there getting tubes in his ears and he was so cute and polite. He asked ever so politely why Riley had casts on her feet and then asked me ever so politely to explain what clubfoot was. He was 6 3/4, to be exact, and was just the sweetest little boy. So at 7:30 the Doctors started rolling into the recovery room to get Riley to go in the OR (our Dr likes to do the tenotomy in the OR, which isn't 100% Ponseti but seeing how Riley is during casts I can understand why he likes to do it the way he does it), I trust him very much so I was 100% confident handing her over to his care. (He has done the tenotomy without general but prefers to do it under general anesthesia so that the baby doesn't have any pain.) So two anesthesiologists came in to talk to us and answered our questions, then Dr H had another orthopedic surgeon (who was probably our age - he had an 8 month old son) with him plus the nurses. We answered a bunch of questions and then Dr H came in to say hi to us and assured us everything would be ok. We got to pick out colored casts this time since she'll be in them for three weeks and we chose pink. Dr. H asked if he could do two colors and I said only if he could do pink and brown since that makes up her wardrobe, to which he replied, I think she will take care of that on her own. Yes, she's been known to explode a diaper or two. :) The nurses fought over who got to carry Riley into the OR. There's no OR waiting room so they gave us a pager and we went down to the cafeteria to wait for it to be over.

It was a long hour and 10 minutes (since she is so small they spent most of the time putting an IV in her) but I was surprisingly calm about the whole thing, I even shocked myself. I realized I must trust Dr. H that much! After an hour and 10 minutes we got our page and we headed back up. We walked in to find Riley in fluorescent pink casts, yes Marc agreed to the pink casts when he thought it was pale pink, and these were definitely not pale! They are pretty funny. A nurse was holding and rocking her in the rocking chair and said she had given a few good burps and was sleeping which they like to see. The anesthesiologist was the first Dr we saw and he asked us if we wanted the good news or the bad news first, my heart dropped. It turns out the bad news was that they wanted us to stay the night because she was under a certain age from gestation so they were worried she would have breathing problems from the anesthesia. I was livid, no one ever told us that this was a possibility and we were asked 3 times how many weeks she was when she was born so they knew she was under this age before surgery. I started getting teary because I knew my time was limited with Homer plus the thought of spending another night in the hospital just killed me. Dr. H walked in during the conversation and heard how upset we were since we had nothing packed and were not prepared for this at all, plus we would not be in a private room. Dr H went and worked his magic and reminded them that Riley was a real baby with a family and not just a rule (she has never given any indication that she would have trouble breathing and went through the surgery with flying colors and was perfect in the recovery room) and convinced them to let us stay for 2 hours in recovery and be monitored and if everything was ok during those 2 hours to let us go home. Of course my baby girl did great - she may be small but she's tough. Other than that little snafu, Riley did great, they said once she was under the anesthesia she was really flexible and they were able to get her foot into position really easily before they even cut the Achilles tendon. The tenotomy went great and so Riley is in her hot pink casts until April 17 at which point we say bye bye to the casts and hello to her brace!

We got home around 11 and all took 2 hour naps. Marc and Riley napped upstairs and I napped downstairs with Homer.

Riley did great last night, she slept most of the day, she ate fine (we gave her 2oz instead of her usual 3 and had no problems with throwing up) and she slept fantastic last night. She slept from 10-5 and then 5-9. Riley doesn't seem to be in too much pain, though we have been giving her infant Tylenol every 4 hours. She's sleeping well today but when she's been up she's had a great temperament. She's been smiling and "talking" and "laughing" at me all day. My mom got into town last night so we all went out for a girl's day of shopping and lunch and Riley was great.

Here are Riley's feet on Monday when I took her for a cast change, she weighed 8lbs on Monday! Such beautiful feet!

Riley's pink casts...

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Today Marc and I went to Starbucks, as we were walking in a little girl was sitting outside with her dad and brother and she was really excited when she saw Riley. As we were leaving this is the conversation I had with her.

Little Girl: "Hi"
Me: "Hi"
Little Girl: "What's your name?"
Me: "Allie, what's your name."
Little Girl: "Maddy"
Me: "That's a pretty name, is it short for Madison?"
Little Girl: "No for Madeline. What's your baby's name."
Me: "Riley. What's your brother's name?"
Little Girl: "Evan but I call him Doody Head."

We were cracking up.

Mini Me

Riley is definitely her dad's mini-me. In fact, she looks so much like Marc that he likes to take her and hold her up to his face and tell me he wants a paternity test. He thinks it's pretty funny, I always tell him if it weren't for the picture he took of Riley coming out of me while I was delivering her, I would want a maternity test.


So as if we didn't know she looked just like him, here's some pictures of Marc at one month:




































versus Riley at about one month:




























































At about 2 months but still looking like Daddy!

Jinxed!

Well I jinxed us, it seems the place that was going to do Riley's tenotomy wasn't comfortable with Riley's size, as in she's so small so we've been moved to Children's Hospital and our date has changed to Thursday! Bummer, I was looking forward to getting this done and not having to go to Oakland! And now we are taking her Monday to her appointment because she is outgrowing her casts and I don't think she can make it another week in them. I guess all in good time!

We're on the Schedule!

We got final word the other day that Riley made it onto the schedule for her tenotomy (link explaining what a tenotomy is)! (The place even called to verify our insurance so it's for real!) It's a huge step because it indicates that her feet are ready and her active treatment is just about complete. And it means only 3 more weeks of casts! We are both pretty sick of the casts, I haven't worn my engagement ring in months because she seems to love to smash it when I am changing her diaper!

The big day is Wednesday, March 25 at 7AM in Walnut Creek. We're very excited because we thought we might have to go to Oakland Children's Hospital and we weren't looking forward to having to drive to Oakland but Dr. H arranged for us to have it done in the Creek so we are super excited, we have to be there at 6AM, which is going to be rough since we all just woke up at 8:30! Hopefully we'll be so excited to get it done that we will be able to get out of bed!

Visitors!

This past weekend Marc's Aunt Sandy and Uncle Michael flew up from San Diego to meet Riley. It was so fun having them here. We picked them up at the airport Saturday morning and went for lunch at one of our favorites, Max's, and then headed to Livermore for some wine tasting. This was Riley's third trip wine tasting but the last time she went she was like 3 weeks old so she was much more alert this time. She did great though, I wore her in a sling for one winery and then she hung in her car seat the other two. We had a great time and had some yummy wine, especially at our favorite winery, Mitchell Katz, man I missed wine when I was pregnant! After an afternoon of vino and fun we came back to our place and had dinner home since that's the "witching hour" for Riley, and true to form she was not a happy camper! Her Graunt Sandy and Gruncle Michael (the names we invented for Great Aunt and Great Uncle) were good sports with all of her screaming and we still managed to have a good time, must have been all of the wine. The next morning we went to breakfast and then they were off to the airport to head back home, it was a short but fun trip! Riley can't wait to se them again in May when we go to San Diego. Here's some photos of the weekend!

Graunt Sandy and Riley:

Gruncle Michael and Riley:

Aunt Jill and Riley

Mommy and her Ri-bug

Ri-bug!

My Sweet is in her Seat

I got some cute pictures of my Ri-bug sitting in her chair yesterday. She's been preferring to sit up like a big girl lately, I don't know if it's more comfortable with her casts or what but it made for a great photo op in her chair. I know I am biased but I think she's the cutest, I just had to share!

Light At the End of the Tunnel

Well there is a light at the end of the tunnel, the very long tunnel known as casting! We went to see Dr. H yesterday and Riley is doing great and is ready for her tenotomy! Yay! We're just waiting to get put on the schedule but it looks like we're looking at a March 25 or 26 procedure date. I have to call back Friday to see if they have been able to get her in but in the meantime this current set of casts stay on her until March 23. This very well could be our last set of manipulation casts! Woohoo! Dr. H said she's doing great, her feet are in position and at this point he wants to get her done and out of casts and into her brace (I'm fairly certain he uses Dobbs brace too which we are really excited about). Dr. H told me yesterday he was using Riley as an example of how certain babies fly through treatment without it really bothering them and with great results, their daughter was having a hard time with the casts and now braces and Riley's just been great with the casts, though today she's a bit crotchety which surprises me since she's just in a holding cast. Riley does better with the casts than Mommy does! Riley even behaved pretty well yesterday, taking a pacifier instead of a bottle for most of her casting. So after 7 very long casts, we're just about there. I can't wait to get my little tootsies out of casts, give her a pedicure, a bath, and lotion her dry little legs up a bit (in that order too!).

Oh and for those of you keeping track, Riley weighed 7lbs 7oz without her casts yesterday. Big for us but still smaller than I was at birth!

Here are some pictures of my girl's beautiful feet this week - her preemie onesie is getting a bit small - I needed to do laundry desperately:

Growing

Riley at 10 Days in her Anywhere Chair:

At One Month in her chair:

At Two Months in her chair:

Time Flies

I can hardly believe it but Riley will be two months old tomorrow, my how time flies. Sadly I am also about halfway through my maternity leave, but we won't talk about that now. I can't believe how Riley is growing and changing each day. We're still waiting for the elusive smile to capture on film but hopefully we'll get that in the next few weeks. We've caught glimpse of her smile here and there and it's a cute one so I am excited for the day when she smiles when she sees us. The other day we were looking at each other in the mirror and Riley (who loves to look at herself) looked back and forth between the mirror and me grinning the whole time. It was super cute. She loves when I cradle her and dance around singing "Skidamirinky Doo." I can definitely tell Riley is filling out, her face is getting fuller (and her double chin) and today I could tell her belly was filling out one of her newborn outfits more. She can still fit into some of her preemie outfits but it's only a matter of time until she's out of those, I can tell the onesies are getting harder to snap. She continues to be a joy and her personality is just continuing to blossom. So here are some photos of Riley's second month:


Marc and I ran upstairs to get ready for bath and bedtime and when we came downstairs we found Homer watching over Riley, we thought it was so cute, especially since a week prior to this photo he wanted nothing to do with Riley. Now he loves to check in on her (esprecially when she cries) and see her during tummy time:

Tucked away in her car seat. Riley loves to go in the car (thank goodness for me!):














Superstar!

Tummy time:















Riley and I have been spending a lot of time playing on her playmats, here are some photos from the last week of us playing together, Riley especially loves the rattle that lights up - lights and mirrors are her two favorite things:

Riley was supposed to be napping but she was wide awake and looking adorable:

Riley's new favorite position is to be sitting up like a big girl, she helped Daddy on the computer after work the other day:

Wrapped Around Her Little Finger

Last night at our 2AM feeding Marc was feeding Riley while I pumped and she was being pretty difficult. She was fussing and when she wasn't choking on her milk she was forgetting to swallow so it was shooting out of her mouth. Marc was starting to get frustrated with her and all of a sudden she looked up at him with a forrowed brow and big eyes as if to say "But Daddy, it's me!" And all of a sudden his frustration melted away and he gave her a big kiss and told her he couldn't be mad at her. It was the cutest thing ever but I think I am in trouble, she's already on her way to being Daddy's little girl!

Love This

I love this, sometimes when I am burping Riley after a bottle she gets so cozy that she curls up and cuddles right into me. I love the feeling of her nesting into me, she rubs her head into my body, and then I feel her relax as she falls asleep all safe and secure in the momma's arms. Ahh, it's a little slice of heaven!

Riley's First Dance

Riley had her first dance with her Uncle Edwin last night...check out the video of them (for some reason I can never get videos to upload directly to my blog).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBpTy7B_baE