It Was Only A Matter of Time

Riley's behavior has been off all summer, we're not sure what's going on.  We've tried talking to her and she either storms off and says she doesn't want to talk about it or she denies anything is going on.  The end of the year ended rough for her as well.  The last day of school we headed to Dr Hoffinger, I had been prepping her for a while that she might need more surgery but it would be after her summer softball All-Star league (yep, didn't blog about that either) and after soccer season which is due to start any day.  Anyway, the appointment pretty much went as expected.  She needs surgery, not a tendon transfer, but a tendon lengthening on the bottom of her foot.  It should be a month in a walking cast so she wouldn't have to miss school (darn, that means no work leave for me to care for her) and it should be fairly easy compared to what she's been through.  And Dr Hoffinger being as awesome as he is agreed to wait until after soccer season.

Well it all came out a week ago.  It was bedtime and Riley just lost it, it all came rolling out.  She overheard Dr Hoffinger and I talking and she knew she needed more surgery.  She hates having surgery, she hates having clubfeet, she hates the way the medicine they give her for surgery makes her feel, why does she have clubfeet and no one else in the family does, why doesn't Jacob have it but she does?  Every why I've ever asked myself came rolling out of her.  All of the weight and burden that I've carried for 8 years since finding out about her feet came spewing out of her mouth and in those moments, my heart shattered into a million pieces.  I fumbled my way through all of those questions.

I don't know why you have clubfeet Riley, but you do.  And as long as you have it we'll fight it and we'll beat it.  Jacob doesn't have it, well because, you've met your brother and he couldn't handle it.  Do you think Jacob could handle casts, AFOs, surgery?  No, but you can.  You're never given anything you can't handle.  But remember all of those kids that we see at Dr Hoffinger, who are in wheelchairs and can't walk.  The have it much harder than we do, at least you can run and play and are the best softball player in the family.  So I hate clubfeet too but we have it pretty good compared to some other kids.

What if I have it when I'm an adult and have to have more surgery?

Then I'll be by your side, even if you're married and have your own kids, I'll hold your hand as you go into surgery and I'll be there when you wake up.  No matter how old you are, we'll fight it together.

I hate clubfeet.  I wish I never had it.

Me too, Riley, me too.  All I ever do is worry about you, your feet, having a normal life, I worry that you will have pain when you are older but we're doing the surgery and the things we're doing now so that when you are older and an adult, hopefully we can stop worrying and all we'll do is have pictures and memories to remind us of our battle.

And as she went to bed with tear soaked cheeks, I went to bed wishing if I could wake up and make her clubfeet mine, I would.

My Sporty Spice

We didn't have many plans this week, we decided on a staycation to get caught up on life so when we got an email about a batting clinic through Riley's new softball league, we decided to sign her up to dust off her bat and swing.  I was a little worried that she would be the youngest there but it turned out that only 6 girls signed up for the time we chose and they ranged from 6-9 so it was perfect.  There was a professional batting coach running it along with two high school players who were college bound so they were able to individualize the instruction to fit the level of the girls.  The batting coach had an app that measures the trajectory of the swing along with swing time to the ball.  It was pretty cool.  He then took Riley's swing and layered it over professional athletes' swing.  He compared Riley's swing to Jennie Finch (USA Olympic player) and Riley has a pretty similar swing to her.  It was crazy, he also said her reflexes and bat swing are fast enough that she could play player pitch this year (versus the coaches pitch her age and grade default too).

I love watching Riley play any sport but particularly softball.  She becomes a different person on the field, her focus is unbreakable, she matures about 10 years and she's passionate and dedicated to it.  It made me very excited about this upcoming softball season!

Mediocre News

This crazy life has continued to escape us, here it is December 26th and my last update was in August, which also coincided with Riley's last clubfoot update.  It's been about a week since we trekked up to Walnut Creek for her checkup.  We were both pretty nervous, Riley was convinced she was getting a cast and had the color all picked out.  I on the other hand, thought a cast was in our future but was pretty sure he wasn't going to cast her because of the holidays and vacation schedules and getting her in for changes.  At least she is finally in tune with her foot.

Of course everyone there was delighted to see Riley, she pretty much owns that office.  And most importantly, she feels comfortable there.  It's so weird now that he's at Stanford because everythig is so protocol driven, he as a nurse who comes in and examines her, of course she had little to no dorsiflexion, which had me doubting my suspicions about not getting a cast.  But then Dr H came in and watched her walk, examined her feet, asked her about pain.  So the good news, no cast and really not necessary.  He says her clubfoot is not causing the inward turning of her foot.  If he were to take x-rays he'd see all of the structure of the foot is fully aligned and where it should be, that her cavus tendon is causing our issues.  We had this issue with her left foot which used to be a size smaller than her right.  He released the cavus and I remember him coming out of the OR and telling us that once he released that tendon, her whole foot relaxed and settled into looking normal.  He of course continued to transfer her tendon on that foot because alignment was off and no matter how much we casted, it continued to drift off it's axis but her right foot is fully aligned.  I took this as fantastic news because Ponseti seems to have worked on her right foot, she's now nearly 4 years out of the brace.

The bad news, she needs a cavus tendon release, sooner rather than later.  Especially because I expressed concern because her feet don't seem to grow.  She's a size Toddler 11 at 7!  Little brother is a Toddler 12 at 4!  He said the release should help with some of that.  We're in basketball now and then we roll right into softball so her surgery will be right before or right after school lets out.  This will allow her to play the sports she loves, finish up the school year, and then still have a summer.

Riley of course took it all in stride.  She really is a trooper, she rarely has moments where she hates her clubfeet or gets upset at courses of treatment and she was was elated NOT to be getting a cast.  I was pretty happy to not have to figure out how to keep it dry in this El Nino winter that we're having.  So now we just wait for the scheduler to call and get the ball rolling on that front.  Of course, sending her into surgery again is not ideal but I am optimistic that this will be a fix for us and help with some of the pain that she's been feeling.  A few hours after her appointment we went to basketball practice where the assistant coach pulled me aside to tell me Riley was the only one who could make a basket on the team.  In my head, I laughed, because if only she knew a few hours earlier she found out she needed foot surgery again, it would make it all that much more ironic.  For now, we live life, riding bikes (when it's not raining), playing basketball, doing running club and we will cross surgery when we get there!

We now bring our own shorts (which everyone thought was genius) since she hates his paper shorts.  When I told them this wasn't our first trip to the rodeo, they all laughed and said not by a long shot!  I think her feet look pretty good here, she's still running on her toes a lot and when she walks you see the curve on her right foot due to the cavus tendon.  

Our traditional picture in front of his planter, Riley now won't let us leave without this picture!  i love her for that, she plays my silly memory games!

Hours after the orthopedic surgeon, taking a jump shot at basketball practice.  My little Sporty Spice!

Thankfulness

So I'm a little behind, my parent came up for the week and it was pure chaos with the kids excitement.  They had so much fun and Riley even got to sleep over at the hotel (and ride in a booster seat since cousin Daniel is in a booster seat now).  Jacob was especially excited to have a whole week of stay at home days even though he talked about all of his school friends all week. 

Off to the hotel with Nana and Poppy

We started Thanksgiving Day off with our first Turkey Trot, I think we are most definitely going to have to make this an annual tradition.  Marc and I ran the 10K and it was great!  I actually had my personal best time for a run averaging a pace of 9min 15sec per mile.  After our run we had about an hour before Riley ran in the kids' 1/4 mile run, next year I'll have her do the 1/2 mile as the 1/4 mile was too short but because of her age they kind of talked me into having her do the 1/4 mile. 

This is what I get for pictures these days

And she's off

She took off at the finish line, she smoked me!

So proud of her!

She loved it!

My running buddy

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for many things but I'm especially thankful for Riley being able to run in the Turkey Trot.  I'm thankful for what looks to be a future that is cast and surgery-free and I am thankful for her ability to accept her clubfeet and not let it affect her life.  She could very easily use it as a crutch and an excuse to not do stuff but she shrugs her shoulders and just says "Yeah, I had clubfeet, so what."  I'm thankful for her resilience, ability to face adversity and most of all her contagious smile that despite countless casts, AFOs and a pretty major surgery, never stopped smiling.

Cheers to all of that and more!

After our run, I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for us, which I failed to capture a picture of.

Friday, we woke up early and hit up the Outlet Mall for a little Black Friday shopping.  And then went to the regular mall for more deals with kids in tow, they were good sports and we got lots of great deals!

Black Friday shopping!

Riley got a nice Buster Posey jersey earlier in the week so we let Jacob get a Build-A-Bear

The kids literally go nuts for this store

Jacob made BuberBear - his new Spider-Man bear (he calls Spider-Man "Buber-Man")

After shopping, I made Marc go for a run with me!  Needed to run off that gluttony!

Jacob loving on his poppy

Dinner with my pretty girl!

And just like that another vacation is over and now onto the next big activities...Jacob's birthday AND Hanukkah!  Let the holiday/birthday season begin!

Playing Hooky!

I took Friday off and took Riley to Six Flags with her friend Bella and her mom, Jen.  It was a super fun day and the girls were SO excited to be there.  Poor Ri was about a 1/4" too short to ride the rides by herself so I had to go with her.  My neck is super sore today, I must be getting old!  But we had a great time.  The rollercoasters weren't nearly fast enough for Riley and Bella but they had a blast and Riley's foot held up pretty well walking all over the park for 5 hours, I think she might be Disneyland ready!  We even rode a real elephant which was SUPER cool!

All ready to get the rollercoaster riding started!

On our first ride!

If that smile doesn't say fun, I don't know what does!

Nacho chompers!

Watching the dolphin show

Another fun one!

Still smiling after a full day

Now that's what I call a good day!