Mediocre News

This crazy life has continued to escape us, here it is December 26th and my last update was in August, which also coincided with Riley's last clubfoot update.  It's been about a week since we trekked up to Walnut Creek for her checkup.  We were both pretty nervous, Riley was convinced she was getting a cast and had the color all picked out.  I on the other hand, thought a cast was in our future but was pretty sure he wasn't going to cast her because of the holidays and vacation schedules and getting her in for changes.  At least she is finally in tune with her foot.

Of course everyone there was delighted to see Riley, she pretty much owns that office.  And most importantly, she feels comfortable there.  It's so weird now that he's at Stanford because everythig is so protocol driven, he as a nurse who comes in and examines her, of course she had little to no dorsiflexion, which had me doubting my suspicions about not getting a cast.  But then Dr H came in and watched her walk, examined her feet, asked her about pain.  So the good news, no cast and really not necessary.  He says her clubfoot is not causing the inward turning of her foot.  If he were to take x-rays he'd see all of the structure of the foot is fully aligned and where it should be, that her cavus tendon is causing our issues.  We had this issue with her left foot which used to be a size smaller than her right.  He released the cavus and I remember him coming out of the OR and telling us that once he released that tendon, her whole foot relaxed and settled into looking normal.  He of course continued to transfer her tendon on that foot because alignment was off and no matter how much we casted, it continued to drift off it's axis but her right foot is fully aligned.  I took this as fantastic news because Ponseti seems to have worked on her right foot, she's now nearly 4 years out of the brace.

The bad news, she needs a cavus tendon release, sooner rather than later.  Especially because I expressed concern because her feet don't seem to grow.  She's a size Toddler 11 at 7!  Little brother is a Toddler 12 at 4!  He said the release should help with some of that.  We're in basketball now and then we roll right into softball so her surgery will be right before or right after school lets out.  This will allow her to play the sports she loves, finish up the school year, and then still have a summer.

Riley of course took it all in stride.  She really is a trooper, she rarely has moments where she hates her clubfeet or gets upset at courses of treatment and she was was elated NOT to be getting a cast.  I was pretty happy to not have to figure out how to keep it dry in this El Nino winter that we're having.  So now we just wait for the scheduler to call and get the ball rolling on that front.  Of course, sending her into surgery again is not ideal but I am optimistic that this will be a fix for us and help with some of the pain that she's been feeling.  A few hours after her appointment we went to basketball practice where the assistant coach pulled me aside to tell me Riley was the only one who could make a basket on the team.  In my head, I laughed, because if only she knew a few hours earlier she found out she needed foot surgery again, it would make it all that much more ironic.  For now, we live life, riding bikes (when it's not raining), playing basketball, doing running club and we will cross surgery when we get there!

We now bring our own shorts (which everyone thought was genius) since she hates his paper shorts.  When I told them this wasn't our first trip to the rodeo, they all laughed and said not by a long shot!  I think her feet look pretty good here, she's still running on her toes a lot and when she walks you see the curve on her right foot due to the cavus tendon.  

Our traditional picture in front of his planter, Riley now won't let us leave without this picture!  i love her for that, she plays my silly memory games!

Hours after the orthopedic surgeon, taking a jump shot at basketball practice.  My little Sporty Spice!

Foot Update

First of all, I can't believe it's been 2 months since my last blog post. A true testament to the craziness of our lives right now, lots has happened since that last update, including a trip to Disneyland! (gasp, how could I not blog about that you ask!?!  Well talk to my son who refuses to sleep and sucks every last bit of energy that I have left in me, out of me!).  Oh and Riley has also lost her first and second tooth since my last blog post (oh the mommy shame!) 

We've also had a clubfoot checkup since then as well and well, it was with mixed reviews so that's probably why I haven't blogged about it, because I'm in denial that we are still fighting this battle with her feet.  This time her right foot is proving to be our problem child.  The surgery on her left is still a success but now her right foot appears to be turning in (proof in the wear on the outside of her right foot), this after being out of her brace for 3 1/2 years.  Why!?!

She's also walking on her toes which is in-line with the tight Achilles that we've been feeling.  Dr H doesn't want to intervene yet but surgery was brought into the conversation this time.  Same exact thing as on her left foot including the cavus tendon release on the bottom of her foot.  Again, why!?!  We chatted a little about out struggles because he had a resident student in with him (first time in our entire time of seeing him that there has been a medical student with him, thank you Stanford Medical - said sarcastically, I'm all for teaching but when it comes to my daughter's future, I'd like the full attention of the expert) so we didn't get too in depth but we both mentioned that we're supposed to be done with relapse by 5 and here we are, still facing them at 6 1/2.  Again, why!?!  I am very exhausted and deflated from all of these uphill battles.  For a kid that is so active this is just getting unfair.  She's now into soccer (another thing that we've started since my last post), basketball, and softball so I'm trying to figure out when I would even schedule a surgery to have the least impact on her sports and school.  I'm guessing maybe next summer, though that would delay getting her on the swim team which is supposed to benefit her foot and obviously ruin her summer.  It's very frustrating and exhausting.

On a positive note, we met a little girl (well she's in 7th grade) and her mom that live not too far from us and see Dr H as well and Riley and the little girl have really hit it off.  She has unilateral clubfoot but had a similar surgery so she and Riley can compare scars and talk about having different feet.  It's been nice for Riley to have someone to relate too and it's been really nice for me to have another mom face to face to talk to about it.  I have met a lot of supportive moms in the online groups but for some reason I felt so much more comfortable with everything that I have been feeling after speaking in person to this mom (because she's feeling everything I'm feeling!)

So that's the update, not such great news but we go back in December so we'll see what he says!

See the wear on the outside of the shoe on the left.  No Bueno!

Biker Babe

Memorial Day we were at our neighbor's house and Riley asked her friend if she could try her bike out, she said yes.  Her friend's bike didn't have training wheels and Riley has never ridden a bike without training wheels but I told her she could try.  She got on and started pedaling and she was riding a bike, I was in awe!

It's A Wrap

We had our very last class party last week, what a great year it's been.  We couldn't have asked for  better teacher for Riley and it was a really great group of very sweet kids.  I loved being a class mom, I only wish that I could have spent more time in the class.  In honor of summer, we moved the party outside.  I even cooked hot dogs in the crock pot, which came out surprisingly well.  I am super sad that the school year is over and the class must move on, the moms volunteering today all tried to convince Riley's teacher to move up to 1st grade (she used to teach 1st) and to keep the kids together, while she agreed it would be a great class to move together, it's not going to happen.  So sad to move on from such a great teacher.  Fingers crossed that Jacob gets her!

Open House

Riley's class had Open House a few weeks ago and Riley was SO excited to show us around and show off her work.  Her teacher also had a "Guess How Many Starbursts in the Jar" and guess who won...little dude!  He sure does love his Starbursts!

Hoops

We signed both kids up for basketball through the YMCA this late spring.  Jacob's old coach originally approached Marc about playing on his new team since he left the program that we had Jacob in so we signed him up.  Jacob has a hard time making connections with people and he loved Coach Ernie so we decided to follow him to this new program.  Jacob was in WAY over his head as he was on a team of mostly 5 and 6 year olds so being 3 was rough developmentally.  But he came around.  After we signed Jacob up, they needed more girl players for Riley's age group and she's been asking to play so we got her involved, it overlapped with softball a bit which made for long days (especially on the rare Saturday that she had PT).  Riley was the youngest on her team also and the shortest by at least a head but she was super into it. 

And In Jacob's News

Lots going on with my little man too...

let's see, he moved into the pre-school room.  He thinks he's hot stuff now.  Seriously, he walks around with an air of confidence not typically found in Jacob and when we ask him how he knows something he says "I bigged now, I in pwe-school."  I hope his little toddler accent never goes away, ok, I hope it does eventually because that'd be awkward in Middle and High School but I love his little toddler voice.

 

 

We also got Jacob to give up his much beloved "ba" (pacifier).  It was a rough first week but after 5 or 6 days he stopped asking for it, he's still not sleeping great but it is getting better.  As a reward, he got a trip to Build A Bear (two pacifiers are in there) and a big boy bed which he's been wanting for a long time!

 



And, finally, Jacob got asked to join his old basketball coach's new program at the YMCA.  So we drove up to Danville for 2 months for him to play, he was by far the youngest on the team but his coach is moving back to the Dublin program and told us to sign him up for the 4-5 year old class.  Jacob love basketball!

Finally A Break

We finally got a break from the clubfoot saga, I think we all needed some good news as I know I was getting pretty beat down and discouraged by our recent set backs.  We went to Dr Hoffinger two weeks ago (don't ask me about time flying by, I seriously don't know where it goes...oh yeah, to the 3 and 6 year old!).  I was seriously expecting the worst, I was well prepared to have to talk Riley down off of a ledge when he said she needed a new night brace or AFO.  I was convinced we were headed down that path, because while we have been fairly diligent about her PT (ok, we skip some nights, it's a lot), he feet are still really tight.  We were there 2 months ago and Bev, Allison (his nurse practitioner), and Dr H both made comments about how tall Riley looked.  I made a comment that perhaps that's why were having these issues and Dr H nodded enthusiastically.  She's really tight, like really tight but...she's also perfectly aligned when she walks and runs so Dr H doesn't want to intervene right now.  He thinks intervening right now isn't necessary and he's going to watch it closely (like every 2 months).  In addition to continuing our PT stretches (insert groan here), he prescribed lots and lots of activity, I think we pretty much have that covered here!  Both kids are in a perpetual motion!  Soooo, we finally got a break on this rollercoaster ride, a much needed break...especially for a certain little 6 year old!

It was sports day at school so she wore her softball uniform

We celebrated with lunch in Walnut Creek

Eat up buttercup!

I Knew the Day Would Come Eventually

Riley has been a rock star with her Physical Therapy, she has won over the entire staff at the Sports Medicine Facility (no shocker there) and has made friends with the various high school girl athletes that are there for PT for injuries from sports.  In a way it's sort of nice for her to see these athletic girls and she kind of looks up to them.  BUT PT is a chore, it's literally a 1/2 hour of stretches and exercises every night, on top of homework, sports, Jacob's breathing, cooking dinner, making lunches for the next day, etc.  It's rough, but the payout versus the alternative treatments is exponentially better so we muster on.  The other night I was multi-tasking between Jacob's breathing and Riley's PT exercises.  I had her doing her stair stretches while I got Jacob set up with his asthma treatment and Riley turns to me and says "I wish I didn't have clubfeet."  I didn't know what to say other than "I know bubba, me too."  Then she followed it up with "Why am I the only one with clubfeet?  You, daddy and Jacob don't have it, why do I?"  I couldn't give her a reason, we DON'T know why she has clubfeet.  I finally told her to always remember that we are never given more than we can handle and that everything happens for a reason, maybe her reason is to help fix kids with clubfeet or prove that you can be a rock star softball player even with clubfeet.  That seemed to be enough for her.  But it's not for me, why does she have this?  Why won't it go away?  I've always accepted her feet as just a card we were dealt and it's a part of our life, but we're supposed to be done, we're supposed to be past it and were not and I am growing weary of it, especially now that it's affecting my baby girl. 

Where to Begin?

I don't even know where to begin, just when I was beginning to get comfortable and think that we actually had clubfoot behind us, we get hit with another bump in the road.  It started in late February/ early March but I tried to ignore it.  I started to notice Riley's left foot turning in when she ran or took steps down the stairs.  I tried to ignore it since last year's surgery was supposed to be it, no more issues.  A couple of weeks ago, Marc and I were standing at the kitchen table and Riley was walking down the stairs.  Her left foot was drastically turning in and her heel wasn't touching the ground, my heart sank and I literally got nauseous, it was the point where I knew I couldn't ignore it anymore.  I turned to Marc and told him I was concerned about her foot again, that I've noticed it turning in and her heel not completely hitting the ground.  He replied that he's noticed it too, especially at our 5K on St Patrick's Day and when was she supposed to go to Dr Hoffinger.  Her appointment was still 2 months out so I decided to call and see when they could get us in.  Turns out they had availability the Friday before Easter. 

Yet again, I was right about her foot.  Her tendons were tightening up, this time it was her heel cord and it's apparently not a common issue at this point in her treatment or after the tendon transfer (which the Achilles' was the one tendon that he didn't touch because we lengthened that when she was 3 1/2 months old!).  Sigh.  Lucky us!  Our options: 1) Increase stretches, 2) Re-cast (not an option since she's in the middle of softball season) 3) Night-time brace that stretches 4) Another tenotomy (surgery she had at 3 1/2 months) followed by casting and brace.  Grrrr!

We chose option 1, seemed the least interruptive to her day to day activities.  We go back the end of May for a re-check and if her feet aren't looser than we figure out next steps, most likely a night-time brace.   Riley's teacher offered to have her stretch before recess so Riley is doing stretches before she plays, there's a group of girls doing them with her and then they walk a lap before taking off to play.  Plus we do stretches before bed.

In the meantime, on our way out Dr Hoffinger mentioned that if we wanted to do some physical therapy to learn more stretches that he'd write us a prescription for it.  Hallelujah!  I've been asking for PT since her first relapse so I jumped on it.  They recommended the Center for Children's Sports Medicine at CHO Oakland on their Walnut Creek Campus.  So I'm driving up to Walnut Creek twice a week for PT.  I've got to say it is worth it, Riley loves her PT, she's very sweet to Riley PLUS it's mostly high school athletes there and they all love Riley because she's so little and gets right in there doing her exercises with them, no fear with that girl.  Her evaluation showed tight hamstrings and calves and also weak hips so we're focusing on strengthening her hips as well as stretching out her calves.  She gets massages to manually loosen her legs (can I get PT!?!) and then they do a bunch of stretches.  At this point I will do anything to prevent another surgery.

I also ordered a dorsi-ramp from Amazon to get a better stretch out of her.  Seriously, I'm hell bent on avoiding surgery. 

As for me, I am SO over clubfeet, we are supposed to be done with it by now.  Between her age and her surgery we are supposed to be past all of this and living a normal life.  I'm beginning to think that my expectations of her feet are too high, that they are never going to be perfect, and the sooner that I  accept this and move on, the better off that we will be.  And as horrible as this sounds, I am off from work, finally getting a chance to catch up on life and instead of doing this, I am shuttling to a from PT and Speech Therapy (for Jacob).  I know, I feel like a horrible mom for even thinking or saying it because I know Riley deserves all of the chances at having corrected feet that she can get but seriously, when are we going to get a break from all of this!  I want to move on from clubfeet but I'm beginning to think that may not be in our cards at this point.  Sigh.  We'll keep tryng and keep moving forward to give her the best possible future.

First PT session

Strengthening those hips

When did she grow up?  Off to PT one her own while I sit in the waiting room

Post PT treat!

Position still looks good

Before PT

Batting

Here are some videos of our little slugger!  We still need to work on our throwing but she's a serious slugger!

Softball!

I'm so far behind, that I haven't even blogged about Riley's first softball season.  She absolutely LOVES softball.  She's played through the city for the past 3 years on a co-ed team but she was finally eligible to play in the all girl's league so we signed her up!  She absolutely loves it, she's so focused and actually gets upset when there are no practices or games.  Since I've been transitioning out of work and am now out of work, I've been able to get involved which is super fun.  They rotate positions and there are no outs at this point so everyone bats.  It's been mostly off of the tee up until today when they did coach's pitch for two swings, guess who hit the ball on the first pitch!  The one and only Ri-Ri!  Her kindergarten teacher even came out to watch this game and got to see Riley in action hitting the ball for the first time without the tee.

The team - they really are enthusiastic about playing!

First game!  The cuteness is much too much!

Cheering her team on!

Seriously, how cute are they!?!

A year ago, she was in a cast recovering from surgery, this year, she's sprinting for home plate.  Look at that focus!

 

Channeling her inner Buster Posey

Playing first base

And what does Jacob do during games you ask?  He sits in the shade eating seeds! LOL

Riley's teacher came out to watch her play the past Saturday!  What a special treat that was! 

My Brave Little Toaster

Well, it's hard to believe but it's been 1 year since Riley's ATTT surgery and cavus tendon release.  I really can't believe how far we've come, castings, AFOs, walkers seem like a distant memory.  The scars are mostly faded and Riley is back to her active self.  Making the decision to operate was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make as a parent.  Marc has input in Riley's clubfoot treatment but most of the burden and decisions have fallen as me as I've attended every appointment, done all of the research and have made it my mission in life to prove the Dr who said she couldn't do it all dead wrong.  When we decided to operate there was no definite that this would work, we didn't know the short term or long term effects, I just knew that I wanted her done with clubfeet before she started kindergarten.  I'm not sorry for this journey we've been on, we had hoped it would have been smoother, more turn key but it's shaped the world as we know it.  I've meet amazing families who are going through similar decisions, every first for Riley is even more special because we know it's been harder for her to get there.  But I look at these two perfect feet, I watch her running the bases in kickball at school with her peers (she's surprisingly fast), and I see her smile as she plays her first season of softball and it's all worth it.  I learn new lessons from Riley daily and I am both inspired and humbled by her persistence and take charge attitude.  Some physical activities may take her a little extra time but she never gives up, she doesn't take mediocre for an answer and I will be forever grateful for her stubborn attitude (for once it's a positive). 

These feet make me smile: 1 Year post-surgery!

Where O Where Have We Been!

I wish I had a really cool story as to where I have been for the last month but the truth is, I got a new phone in January! Yes, January, and have not for the life of me been able to figure out how to download my photos onto my computer until today.  Yes, that's two months of trying, kids waking up to interrupt me, I know lame, but I figured it out (or I got lucky) so I get ready for lots of photos and videos, we've actually been quite busy.

I am now officially a Temp Stay-At-Home Mom.  I say temp because starting April 20th, I will be working 2 days a week at Peet's headquarters doing Category Management and then come June I will be there full time filling in for a friend while she is out on Maternity Leave, I am really excited to start there, it's a headquarter role which I've never done and I of course love coffee, and Peet's is our favorite.

Since I'm off we moved Jacob to part-time daycare so I have my Loo on Tuesdays and Thursdays which we are both loving.  I've also stepped up and am helping with Riley's softball team, which is so much fun!

So that's where we've been, my total technological lameness has kept me from keeping up with this blog so I will now attempt to catch up.  Brace yourselves for the Cliff Notes version of our last 2 months!

When You're Stuck with a Day That's Gray

The kids got me the original "Annie" DVD for my birthday.  It was the first movie I ever saw in a movie theater, I was probably about Riley's age and I remember having to leave because I was talking too much but I love it and I was so excited to take Riley over the holidays to see the new version.  We've been watching the original a ton and the kids love it. 

Well Thursday, I got laid off.  I was half expecting it but also shocked.  After shedding a few tears, I got on the treadmill and realized a few things.  Yes, it sucks getting laid off, even if you hate your job, which I did, it still sucks.  I wanted to tell them to screw off on my own terms, not theirs.  But I got a decent severance, my last day isn't until April 3rd, and they are coordinating interviews for placement with Kashi, which we just spun off.  So I am optimistic, even though it still sucks and feels crappy. 

BUT...as I was running all of the stress of really the last year off it occurred to me that a year ago, I was prepping to bring Riley in for her ATTT and that night, I got to bring Riley to softball practice and that was pretty awesome.  So that awesomeness of where we've come with Riley and her feet, far out weighs the pure crappiness that was Thursday. 

I also started thinking about time with the kids, watching "Annie" and the words to "Tomorrow" popped in my head.  While, I wasn't ready to face the world and really wanted to wallow in my own pity party, I sang the words in my head "Just thinking about tomorrow, clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow 'til there's none/ When I'm stuck in a day that's gray and lonely/I stick up my chin and grin and say Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow/ You're always a day away..."

And it's true, tomorrow is a new day.  After a semi-decent night sleep, tomorrow is today, and the sun is shining and I'm feeling much better.  I'm now pissed I got let go but I guess that gets me one step closer to acceptance and action to fix the issue at hand.  But in the meantime, I'm seizing the day, I'm catching up on blogging (been way too long since my last post), I volunteered to help coach Riley's softball team since her coach travels a lot, plan on taking Riley to running club as much as possible, I' going to try to get as much quality time in with the kids before I land a new job, I might take this opportunity to re-evaluate my career (I might be ready for an industry change) and I'm going to get back to crafting and learn my new sewing machine that I got for my birthday.  I have been so miserable for so long that I've forgotten what I love and who I am so I am all about getting that back.  I made a joke with my old boss that 2015 was the year of me, Kellogg's may have tried to knock me down but I'm going to look at this as an opportunity (but all rights reserved to revert back to a pity party once in a while).

Birthdays, Birthdays, and More Birthdays!

Well, I'm quite behind on blogging and life in general.  Work has been tortuous lately and is sucking every last bit of energy out of me.  My job has been up in the air for about a year now but now that the merger has closed between Safeway and Albertson's on top of my company going through a sales organization reorg, doom day is pending (more on that later).  Unfortunately, I met recently with my boss and I didn't get a good feeling that there is a place for me in the new organization so I'm likely to be out of a job in the next few weeks.  Everything happens for a reason so if this is the case, then we shall figure it out but the stress of not knowing has take a toll on my energy (and patience) levels.  BUT...

Through all of this, of course we had to celebrate Riley's birthday!  And I had a birthday in there as well.  But enough about me and more about Riley's very Frozen Party!  We had a hard time getting Riley's invite list low enough that we could actually afford to have her party somewhere (and most places have a 16 kid limit) so we opted for our house with what else? a bouncy house!  The birthday girl had a fantastic time.  She loves her birthday, who can blame her!?!  I think she had 4 or 5 celebrations between her party, tepenyaki, her actual birthday and her celebrations in her class and at EDCC.

Riley has some serious hula hoop skills, I think this may be her ticket to a college scholarship!

And then there was my birthday, Marc tried really hard to make it special but the kids were in RARE form, let me tell you.  LOL!  So no pictures from that glorious day, I did escape the insanity to get a pedicure but overall, it wasn't a picture worthy day.  Bummer since it was on a Saturday!