As The Saying Goes: All Good Things Must Come to An End

Well, tomorrow I go back to work.  I am super very sad to be heading back.  We managed to make lemonade from our lemons.  We didn't want Riley to have surgery but I used the last four weeks as a way to reconnect with my kids.  I have had a wonderful four weeks with Riley and Jacob and I am so sad to be sending them back to day care full time.  I know that Riley is excited to go (Jacob, not so much, he's my antisocial one) but I am going to fully miss spending time with them.  I've learned so much over the past four weeks, I've learned my kids, while they think they need stuff, all they need is me, sitting on the ground playing Legos, or drinking my coffee while they eat breakfast or going for walks and searching for turkeys.  We didn't go out and spend a lot of money (mostly because Ri was immobile) but we made a ton of memories and I learned how wonderful my kids are.  They are kind, compassionate, loving, smart kids.  Jacob has the best belly laugh I have ever heard and I got to hear more of it over the past four weeks than I have his entire life.  I will truly miss being with them as much as I have been with them come tomorrow.

I pretty much accomplished all that I wanted to accomplish minus reading as much as I had set out wanting to do but I gained two little buddies and I will never regret the last four weeks we had together, I got to craft a little, we colored together, we baked, I became a master Rainbow Loomer and I realized that Riley and Jacob are my greatest works and they deserve my whole heart and soul.  My company won't fold because I decided to invest in my kids more but my kids will collapse if I invest in work more than them.

So while the world is talking about how women should "Lean In" at work, I'm choosing to lean in to my kids and their childhood.  I want more laughter, more fun, more building Legos and Rainbow Loom bracelets and less shuffling from one thing to the next just to stay on a schedule.  I want more cuddling and belting out Frozen songs at the top of our lungs and less work emails and sleepless nights worrying about work.  I want more simple memories with my babies, while they are still babies.

The Big Reveal

Yesterday was cast removal day.  I was super nervous, I've been asking around on some of the facebook clubfoot pages what to expect and I was really worried the scars would scare Riley and if he used a button to anchor the tendon that she would freak out.  Not that the feet looked bad but the scars from the surgeries were pretty red, puffy and raw looking.  I tried to prep Riley and ultimately I told her I would take pictures so if she didn't want to see it at the Dr and decided later, she could look on my phone.  She opted for that route, which was fine with me.  The scars were way better than I expected, they were not raw or red like I expected and rather than using a button, he used stitches and knotted the tendon once it was punched through the bone.  In fact the one site on the top of her foot where the surgical tape came off you could barely see a scar.  I was one happy mommy!  And how does her foot look you wonder, AMAZING!  For the first time in forever I was able to look at her left foot without a pit in my stomach or without turning my head with the sadness of her defect.  I sent a picture to my friend Amber whose son has unilateral clubfoot and she said it looked like her son's non-clubfoot.  It literally made my life hearing that.  All the sweat, effort and tears that I've put into that foot, she finally has the foot that I have always wanted her to have.  A huge wave of relief has swept over me and I am fully at peace with our decision to operate.  Surgery was not the path we wanted to travel on this long journey but I know looking at her beautiful straight foot that it was the path we were intended to walk.  Ri of course wanted to know immediately if she could ride her scooter or bike.  She's been told to not run or go on anything with wheels for 2 weeks.  She's had some difficulty walking since coming out of the full leg cast and has yet to take steps on her own but I know they are around the corner because I know my Riley.

So they are slightly graphic as we were not able to clean it up before re-casting her in her walking cast but here's the semi-finished foot.

So this is the before picture, this is where we were able to get to with 3 rounds of casts prior to the transfer.

Probably the most graphic of the photos, two incisions here where he grabbed the tendon to transfer, he also released the tendon from here, so two scars will be on the inside, we'll get a better view when the cast comes off and we can clean it up and take the surgical tape off.  I love the straightness of her foot, it actually even looks a size bigger than before

Top view, the mark on the outside was where he reattached the tendon, the scar there was so faint already

Bottom where she will have a scar and where he reattched the tendon.

She was finally able to sweet talk her way into a multi-colored cast!

We Be Looming

Here's a few  examples of the Rainbow Loom creations that I Riley and I have made over the past 4 weeks. I've excluded all of the bracelets because there are too many of those to count!

We also made Olaf and next up is Elsa from Frozen followed by the Care Bears!

Kindergarten

It's hard to believe but my 4lbs of Fury is officially registed for Kindergarten.  We had to get her in the system the day after her surgery but then last week we had to go to the elementary school, turn in more paperwork and sign her up for an assessment.  So she is officially registered for kindergarten.  So hard to believe.  We took her with us and she was so well behaved, I never thought I would say this but she was the most well behaved of all of the other kids that were there.  Not sure if it was her cast or what but she was calm and listened the whole time.  She saw 2 kids that will be going to her school from her current pre-school plus the kids we know from the neighborhood.  They couldn't confirm her acceptance but she was #12 on the list and the administrator said she never saw a #12 not get in.  So April 22 we go for an assessment and June 16 she starts the before and after school care there to hold her spot for the school year.  I can't believe how fast Ri is growing up!

After registration I brought her to see Mr Peabody and Sherman which was SUPER cute!

Count Down Chain

Like I mentioned in my last post, I well versed in the Rainbow Loom but I am also well versed in lots of crafts these days, anything to keep Ri off her foot.  We made a paper chain to help countdown how many more days until her cast comes off.  I think she wouldn't mind it if she could walk but the fact that it's non-weight bearing has her all up in a tizzy.  She wants to be up and moving around.

Has It Really Been 3 Weeks???

All I can say is that being off has been absolutely glorious, I don't know where they time has gone.  Reconnecting with my kids have been the greatest and everyone is happier and more well behaved.  Lots has happened, some good, some bad so here goes the update:

Dog: We had a dog for 2 days, he was adorable, sweet, beautiful but was 3 months old and the kids were petrified of his energy.  We named him Buster and he was a Goldendoodle and I became attached to him very quickly.  The kids wouldn't be on the same level of the house as him so luckily the breeder was understanding and took him back.  When it was just Marc and I he was essentially the perfect dog, he slept by some one's side or feet but when the kids were around he was all puppy.  He would jump on Jacob and knock him over and mouth his head, obviously he thought of Jacob as a litter mate but Jacob didn't feel the same.  Two weeks later he still tells me that the "Oof bite hand.  Owie."  Hopefully he's not scarred for life!

Death:  My co-worker/friend's husband collapsed playing basketball 2 weeks ago and died.  They don't know the cause but the autopsy showed an enlarged heart.  He was 32 and we have been social with them.  They have a 3 year old daughter and she and Riley adore each other and an 8 month old son.  I took it pretty hard, my heart breaks for my friend and her children.  I attended the funeral last Friday which was horrible.  The image of my friend and her two children following the casket was too much to handle.  I often believe that everything happens for a reason and God only gives you what you are strong enough to handle but with this particular situation I struggle with that and faith, how could God take a 32 year old father away from his young wife and young children and leave these children fatherless.  The baby will have no memories of him and I find myself questioning faith.

New Friends: I'll end on a highlight, we made some new friends.  There was a woman in San Jose that I started emailing with from one of the clubfoot groups and turns out her first (she's pregnant with number 2) was born the exact same day as Jacob and has bilateral clubfeet just like Riley.  We are very similar and hit it off and best of all, the kids all played wonderfully together, even sourpuss Jacob!  It is so nice to have a local friend now that understands the trials and tribulations of clubfeet and the constant worry over the feet.  It's also nice to have another set of eyes looking at her feet.  Unfortunately, she saw what I saw on Riley's right foot which is, it is turning in and there's a crease on the bottom.  I thought maybe it was from the walker but it is getting worse.  Luckily we go Friday so Dr H can take a look at it.  Our new friends also go to the same practice for B's foot though they see a different Dr there so it's nice to compare notes!  B took right to Riley and Jacob cried for his new buddy when they had to go home!

Riley has been doing fantastic.  I have really enjoyed spending time with her and have a whole new appreciation of her.  When I was uber upset about having to give Buster back she climbed up on the couch, comforted me and pulled up pictures of Buster as memories.  She also took these photos, how could I be sad with this face around???

When my friend invited us over to help cheer up her daughter, I told Ri what happened to Reese's daddy and she insisted on picking out a Cheer Bear Care Bear for Reese to help cheer her up.  She has such a good heart and an old soul.  We've spent a lot of time making Rainbow Loom bracelets.  I've also moved Jacob to part time day care while I've been home and he's doing much better.  No bites in like 3 weeks (knock on wood) and I'm loving all of the laughs that he is full of each night now that I have time to sit down and tickle monster him or be his horsey.  This time has really made me reevaluate my priorities and make me realize that I need to be more available to the kids.  Now I just need to figure out how to balance it all when I go back to work next week, which officially is going to be really hard for me to do!