Well it looks like our clubfoot journey isn't quite over yet. We took Riley to Dr H on Friday and as suspected, he suggested that we perform the ATT surgery on her left foot, he would probably also lengthen the tendon on the bottom of her foot. He said this foot is eventually going to need surgical intervention no matter what we do, the AFO just isn't cutting it. So I figure if we're going to do it, we might as well do it now, why wait? I can't say I'm surprised by this recommendation, instead of leaving upset, I actually left at ease, we finally have a game plan and a clear path ahead and deep down inside I must know that this is right for her foot.
Truth be told, I've been carrying around a lot of worries over Riley lately - mostly about what the future holds for her. Will she be teased because kids will notice her feet are different? Will she have pain when she's older? Will she be able to do all of the things that she wants to do and not be limited by her birth defect? We've never let it stop her before or be an excuse but what if one day it physically is an excuse. I've rarely been a "whoa is us" person about her birth defect (I've had my pity days sure, but overall I've not let it bother me too much). I've just sort of taken it as a lesson in life, a tool to become a stronger, better person but I find myself asking a lot these days "Why her?" I was teased mercilessly as a kid for being overweight and I don't want Riley to be teased over something she has no control over. I could have cut back on the burritos, candy, TV and gone for a run but Riley can't control this and so I am left asking "Why her?" So I want this taken care of and her out of her AFO by the time she starts kindergarten. I don't want her going into public school with a visible sign of her being different; call me vain, judge me all you want but I want her to blend in and make friends without the stigma of her AFO following her around. Kids are mean and I don't want them to have any extra ammunition against her.
But this is just another bump in the road. Ri of course had Dr H cracking up because she actually asked for a cast. I think she likes the attention the cast brings. Dr H can't do anything until after the first of the year due to his schedule, and I asked that she at least get her wish of having her bouncy house birthday party before she starts casting so we'll start 4-6 weeks of casting sometime after her birthday. He needs to get her foot aligned properly before he can do the surgery, it's pretty out of whack and off it's axis. He offered to set up a second opinion with Dr Dobbs if we wanted to fly to St Louis for that but Marc and I both instantly agreed that that was not necessary. Dr H has been treating Riley since she was 11 days old and just him offering to send us to St Louis for a consult shows me that he has her best interest at heart. Then we'll do the surgery, probably sometime in March I would assume. We don't have a date yet but his surgery scheduler is going to call me in the next few weeks to get her scheduled. He said she could either go home from the hospital that day or would just need to stay the night, I think I would choose a night just to ensure that we can get her pain managed and have the extra support of the nurses. We're leaning at doing the surgery at John Muir (where both kids were born) versus Lucille Packard Children's Hospital just because we won't have to cross bridges and it will be easier to balance Jacob, though my mom has offered to come and help with him. Those are the details I know for now. So for now, I just need to find the words to explain to Riley that she needs to have surgery on her foot, that's not going to be an easy or fun conversation, and figure out what sort of leave of absence I can take from work.
