We returned from Florida on Monday and it was quite the roller coaster of a trip. We spent the first half of the week renting a house with Jill, Edwin and Max and it was a blast. We had a pool in the backyard and alligators in the waterway behind the house both of which provided hours of entertainment. I'll get into more detail about that part of the trip in another post. The second half of the trip we spent with my parents at a hotel close to my grandfather's place. We were in Florida to celebrate his 100th birthday but the roller coaster began on the Wednesday before his party. Prior to us leaving for Florida he was hospitalized, he had a blood transfusion and the Dr felt like he would bounce back. The Monday that we were there I decided to run over to the hospital to see him and bring Jacob to meet him since Jacob is named after him. I walked in and he knew exactly who I was, told me how handsome Jacob was and asked me how Riley was and where she was (I didn't bring her to the hospital because I was worried she would be afraid). Poppa continued to talk to me, though very weakly, and told me how to get to his party that he was throwing on Friday night and also that his lady friend would not be coming down for the party. Though he was tired he was very with it. He went home that night but was disoriented once home.
Wednesday my Aunt called to tell me that if I wanted to say goodbye to him that I should come over to his place now because he was not doing well and even the hospice nurses didn't think he would make it through the night. Marc and I left the kids with Jill and Edwin and rushed over. It was the longest car ride of my life, seriously, it felt longer than when we went to the hospital while I was in labor, both times! I had to tell my mom who was on her way to Florida what was going on as well as my brother, it was awful! We got there and I said my goodbyes and sat for a couple of hours before going back to the kids for dinner. My mom arrived Wednesday night and my Poppa woke up and was chatting with her and my dad, he asked for food, water, and was with it. Thursday morning was the same, the nurse even came out at one point and asked if there was a Riley because he was asking for a Riley. Riley was so incredibly brave and went in and talked to Poppa Jack. She even sang "Happy Birthday" to him and he smiled, of course I started bawling. Later that evening he began to decline and continued to throughout the rest of the week. He was in a semi-conscious state for his party on Saturday and of course didn't make it, which Marc and I missed because we were in urgent care with Jacob (I'll save that for another post as well). Sunday I said my final goodbyes as we were leaving on Monday. Monday morning as we were getting ready to leave for the airport my parents came by our room to tell me that Poppa had passed just after midnight. The funeral was Tuesday and because he was a Colonel in the Army he had a military funeral.
I am heartbroken even though I know that he is in a better place. I tried to imagine this world without him, this world who has known him for nearly 100 years (he was 6 days shy of his 100th birthday). What if I had called more? What if I had visited more? Could he have made it longer? I know rationally these are all ridiculous questions but still, they keep running through my head. I know I am beyond fortunate that he met both of my kids and even had a relationship with Riley, not many people can say that. Though I wish Jacob could have grown to know and love the wonderful man that he is named after. Poppa lived for his family and he decided to go after seeing all of his family who came into town to celebrate his 100th birthday. The man who laid in the bed, nearly lifeless is not the man I grew up knowing, he was not the strong, hardworking "colonel" that gave orders and ran the show, he was just a shell of the man we knew and because of that I know he's in a better place but still it doesn't make the pain any less. I miss him more than anything. I will always be grateful for all he has done for me, how he believed in me, how he comforted me. When Riley was diagnosed with her clubfeet he did his own research, talked to friends who were orthopedic surgeons and told me everything would be ok, and even into his late 90s he worried about her feet. His love for his family was like no other and he taught me how to love your family unconditionally. I will always cherish the memories I had growing up and visiting him, running down the catwalk from the elevator to his apartment, the endless games of "War" and "Go Fish," and our trips to the pool. I feel so fortunate that I got to say goodbye and thank him for all of these things and to let him know that Riley's feet were perfect and that I would make sure that the kids went to college and that they were alright, because I know, even when he should have been taking care of himself, he was worrying about his family. Ironically, the only day that it rained while we were in Florida for 10 days was the day he passed. I would like to think that it was my Nana crying tears of joy for her soldier who was finally coming "home" to her after 20 plus years of being apart. That's the only comfort I can find in all of this.
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| I took a photo of this photo. I love this photo of my grandfather and my Nana just after they met, this is how I want to remember him. |
Goodbye Poppa Jack, you will be missed terribly but never forgotten! Your memory and spirit will live on through your children, your grandchildren and your great-grandchildren.
